She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
