someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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