he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
