96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
