So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
