Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this boner is exhausting
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
