i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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