Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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