The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
