I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
