Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
