His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
