You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
