Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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