yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
