Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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