turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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