i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
