Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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