Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
