you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
