Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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