so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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