I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
