Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
