did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
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My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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