they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
