I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
