On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
