I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
