there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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