i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's the barista slut.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize