at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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