Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
