Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
