Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
