I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
