Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
