I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
