I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it because I queefed?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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