So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
