Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
