How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
