Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
