Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
