You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
