Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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