I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
