Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
