Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
