Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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