Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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