i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
