how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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