He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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