I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
