i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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