you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
