Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i will never coherently bang her
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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