I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
