My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I die, sorry about rent.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize