im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
