you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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