16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
